A creative solution to Kenya's political problem

Originally written on January 31st, 2008 at the height of violence in Kenya.

Dear Kenyan Politicians:

Congratulations!

Finally, after all these years you have truly succeeded in creating real results through ethnic based politics. It must be satisfying to sip cocktails in five star hotels, make outlandish statements, and blame the very people you were in cahoots with last year, the year before, or even ten years ago, while Kenya burns. In the past, you merely managed to create small skirmishes, a few isolated killings here and there. Now you've got the big Kahuna...even CNN is finally paying attention!

The sad thing is most of those young people out there creating chaos in the streets actually believe they are going to be rewarded for it. Luos killing Kikuyus in the slums actually think their man Odinga is going to be there to back them up when Kikuyus start fighting back and Kikuyus killing Luos in Naivasha think the same thing about Kibaki. Instead of a steady parade of would be negotiators groveling at your feet so they can be the one to finally break the impasse, I wonder if you would consider another solution.

It has to do with an island in Lake Victoria. Since you like to play games, even with people's lives, how about we start a new one, and save the lives in the process. How about every politician who has been in politics more than twenty years, switched parties more than once, or created a new political party more than once in five years get to play. You all get to move to this island...a very nice one mind you...and run endless elections. Just think! As soon as one of you wins, you get to form new parties, make new alliances, and run again. You don't actually have to stand for something and you can even get bonus for the most creative party names.

There would be no term limits. In fact, if one of you can keep rigging the elections, a highly desirable Island trait, you could eventually become Dictator for life. It is truly a win-win situation. You get to keep doing what your doing but no ones life is ruined but your own. So how about it? The Banana Democratic Coalition could go up against the Party of National Division. That would have appeal! The Kenyan African National Onion Party could go up against FORD. The Nation newspaper could even run a weekly column so all Kenyans would know you still exist but not actually have to live under your rule. Of course, you could also get off your high horse, humble yourselves and admit your failures, and actually get onto putting the people who elected you ahead of yourselves. But that sounds a lot more difficult than the Island solution, doesn't it?

Not that I'm upset or anything!